Praise God!

God is sooooo good and faithful!!! For the last few days I feel like I have been on a wild faith ride and I have been questioning and asking God why did this happen to me, to Matthew and to us as a couple. I can't understand why I couldn't carry the baby to term and how I never really got to enjoy so many fun parts of being pregnant...I have so many questions with no real answers.

I have had many nights of sobbing and often times I picture myself either at Jesus's feet or being held in his arms crying uncontrollably and just asking why. He holds me close and I know he feels my pain and hears my prayers. The one answer that I am still getting consistently is that God is in control and to lean on Him during this difficult time and to trust Him. This of course is easier said then done, so recently I've been asking God for some encouraging news or signs that everything is going to be okay. He was so faithful to answer me in many ways. First of all, not only is Matthew doing better, but I also heard an encouraging song on K-Love Radio and the words were about how God loves you and that things are going to change. I had heard that song a hundred times before and I even sang along with it, but this time the words went right into my heart and I was comforted knowing that God really heard my prayers. Then at church today I heard an extremely encouraging story about a man who has survived some impossible medical conditions. According to this man, he should be dead right now, but he has survived. Recently he was hospitalized again and the doctor's told him he wouldn't be out of the hospital for a long time but with the miraculous power of prayer he was able to go home within a couple of weeks and he is doing great! After hearing his story, I remembered thinking, Wow, God must really have a plan for this man's life and then I instantly thought of Matthew and thought God has a plan for his life too. Since he is 15 days old today, his chance of survival has increased from 50% to about 75%. This is not to say that he is out of the woods and won't have future problems, but it is encouraging to know that I am more likely to bring my baby home. Then to top it all off, the nurse that I wanted to have removed from Matthew's case, has been removed permanently and there is a new nurse taking care of him on night shift. The charge nurse has not confirmed this with us yet, but I will keep you posted. So far we have not had to meet with the nurse who has been removed and I hope we don't have to, but I was praying that God could have her removed without confrontation and that is what He did. I was told earlier that they normally don't remove the primary nurse, but it seems that this is what they have done in this case. Jason and I have met the new nurse and we really like her and my instinct is telling me she is the right person to take care of him.

So please keep praying for Matthew, for the doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists and so many other medical staff that are taking care of him and of course for us as we continue through this difficult process. Your prayers are felt and they are seen as well. God answers us in ways that are surprising and sometimes not what we expect, but if we keep our hearts and minds open we can see the work of His hand everywhere! Thank you all so much. We couldn't be doing this without you!