Good day gone bad...

Well, what I thought started out to be a decent day for Matthew turned into a very bad day for him. Originally, his x-rays showed that his intestines looked slightly better today, but definitely not normal. So I thought that was a very good thing. Then when they were trying to put in a very deep IV line for his nutrition he started to show signs of distress because he was not tolerating it. Unfortunately, most of his veins are blown because they've been used so much over the last few months that there is nothing left to use. They tried in at least 5 different places on his body and during that time he kept dropping his heart rate and oxygen saturation several times and it was difficult for him to recover. Then about 8:30 tonight, Matthew had a gastric hemorrhage in his stomach. His stomach blew up and got very distended and they ended up pumping a lot of blood out of the stomach. His heart rate dropped so low along with his respiratory status that they had to perform CPR on him. Unfortunately, they had to reintubate him, so now he is back on the ventilator. They took another abdominal x-ray and it doesn't look as bad as they thought it would and fortunately his intestines did not perforate. They don't know if this is the cause of the infection and the intesinal problem or if this is just a reaction to being so stressed out today and the last few days because of the infection. With the eye appointment today, the many attempts at getting a deep IV line and the infection, it was all too much for him to handle and now he is really stressed out and needs lots of rest and recovery. Unfortunately, they had to draw more blood from him to run more tests to find out what else is going on with him. He'll be getting abdominal x-rays every few hours and will be monitored very closely over the next day or so.

The results of his eye appointment showed that they are not better, but they are not worse. Thank God for that because there is no way he could have handled surgery today. The doctor did say, however, that he is still in that window where things could change either for better or for worse. So the next appointment will be this Tuesday coming up.

Right now, I am not sure how I feel. When the doctor called me I was in a breastfeeding class so my phone was off. She left a message that sounded panicky and for me to call her ASAP. My first thought was something bad happened and Matthew is dead. Then when I got into the hospital the doctor met us at the door before going in to scrub up. She told us what happened, and I immediately thought that what happened is okay and at least he's not dead. I don't know if I had that response because I am in shock, or numb from hearing all the bad news about him over the last few days, or if I am going into fight mode and then I'll break down later, or if it is just a peaceful feeling like he's going to be okay. It is a very odd place to be and honestly I don't think I can really describe how I feel. I feel like he is going to be okay, but I really just don't know. It is hard to see him laying there limp and reintubated, but then again, we've been here before, so maybe this just seems like a familiar place...I don't really know. I am just thankful that he is not dead and that the x-rays are not as bad as they thought. I am truly thankful that he did not need to have eye surgery because I am not sure he would have made it through it.

Please, please, please keep Matthew in your prayers for complete healing and recovery from all this. Please pray that God gives us his peace, comfort, strength and hope in the coming days.